How to feel more balanced as a mom

When I talk with other moms about their biggest struggles and what we need the most, we usually come back to one common theme:

Feeling "balanced”

But what does that look or feel like in real life?

It’s a myth that balance as a mom means giving 100% to everyone and everything.

Because when we inevitably drop a ball, we feel like a guilty failure. Hello, impossible!!

In reality, work-life balance is a constantly moving target, not a destination.

And it’s *not* about spending an equal amount of time and energy on everything.

It’s a continuous, daily process of finding an equilibrium that allows us to feel the most fulfilled so we can thrive and function at our best.

To me, feeling my best is not a solo job.

It involves the support of my partner, family, and community. It also requires some structural support like creating a schedule that allows space for play and rest, as well as time to focus on my work and myself.

But ultimately balance is a state of being.

Underneath the ups and downs of normal life, it’s knowing and feeling like I am capable and competent to handle challenges, having the capacity and time to focus on the things that I’m most passionate about, and being able to work towards long range goals or dreams.

What do you need to feel balanced?

If you want some help in defining what you need, let me be your life coach this week! ✨🤗

Click here​​ to sign up for my free 5 Day Glow Up series, for creative moms.

xo Anna

Hey fellow mom!

Are you feeling burned out, overwhelmed, mentally zonked from a long winter of endless viruses?

Not to mention coming out of the the black vortex of pandemic parenting. YEAHH. Blah.

Let’s flip things around and get your inner glow back!

In the FREE 5 Day Glow Up I will empower you with:

• more positive energy and pleasure WITHIN the daily mom grind

• permission to put yourself first, without feeling guilty

• self-trust and confidence in the decisions you make for your family

• reconnection with your partner (yes the romance is still available I promise!)

• an introduction to your inner Queen Archetype

The 4 inner seasons of pregnancy

I love using the analogy of the four seasons to describe the four phases of the menstrual cycle.

It’s a fun way to connect with your body and understand the constant changes that are happening with your energy and emotional capacity. It’s also a built-in guide to creating a sustainable self care or even work routine that supports our overall wellbeing.

But how can we connect with our cyclic nature during times we aren’t bleeding or if we don’t have a cycle?

If you’re on hormonal birth control, I always recommend following the phases of the moon instead.

Pregnancy and postpartum are unique because they’re temporary but extremely intense times of physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual change and expansion that can feel extremely turbulent because of how fast it all hits us.

How can we make sense of all the crazy hormone shifts in this extremely powerful time in our lives? If you’ve been practicing cycle awareness, losing your cycle can be disorienting.

But we can still apply the seasonal framework, placing it over months instead of weeks.

I like doing this because it’s a reminder that our bodies are doing hard work beneath the surface, and that it’s ok to feel however you feel and cut yourself some slack when necessary!

Here’s how I personally experience the energy seasons of pregnancy. Maybe this will resonate with you too!

---

The 4 Inner Seasons of Pregnancy

---

First trimester: Winter

First trimester is the epitome of winter to me. All I want to do is go curl up in a cave and hibernate until the nausea subsides and my energy returns. Even though no one else can tell you’re pregnant yet, this is the time where your body is working the hardest to create an embryo and placenta (aka an ENTIRE NEW ORGAN) literally from scratch.

If you’re in your first trimester you probably haven’t shared the news with the world yet so it can feel very isolating and lonely. It’s ok to feel like crap. You can still be grateful for this miracle inside of you while you’re miserable. There’s a tiny adorable parasite in your uterus sucking up all your life force.

My husband and I nicknamed my first trimester alter ego “Blah-na” because regular Anna was completely MIA.

Don’t try to push through, just listen to your body and future out what helps you survive each day, and remember this too shall pass. Ask for help and let your partner pick up as much household slack as possible or take on more childcare of older siblings. You are doing a great job!

---

Second trimester: Spring

Just like with a menstrual cycle, the transitions from season to season aren’t clearly defined even though it would be nice to divide them into weeks like the trimesters.

But in general, sometime in the second tri is when I feel my life coming back to me.

The first trimester with my second baby felt a lot harder and longer. I dug out my journals from when I was pregnant with Thomas to calculate the exact timing of when I started to feel better with him. The fog and nausea lifted literally overnight around 14 weeks so that was my lifeline this second time around!

But sure enough, every pregnancy is different, and 14 weeks came and passed with no relief. In fact, I didn’t actually throw up until I hit the second tri, thinking what cruel joke is this?? It didn’t help having a 3 year old bringing me endless head colds from daycare.

My transition out of the winter phase in this second pregnancy happened as slowly and gradually as a Midwestern spring.

But it did happen!

Ironically, spring hit me in January, where we experienced record cloudiness here in west Michigan. While everyone else was in the depths of their seasonal depression, I was lit with a creative fire inside and felt like a productivity dam had broken inside my body and brain.

You can see this shift in how I started suddenly blogging and posting about my goals and plans for the year, ha.

The second trimester is considered the golden age of pregnancy because your energy bounces back but your bump is still small enough to not cause much physical inconvenience yet.

For me, January felt like an early spring phase. I was full of optimism, possibility, and the uncontrollable urge to get organized, braindump the hurricane of ideas and plans, and schedule out my goals and business plans for the entire rest of the year.

I loved that the rest of the world was hibernating so I could buckle down and get to work behind the scenes.

Which was extremely satisfying and a convenient way to start the year!

Spring is a time of taking action and putting plans into motion, but remember your work is still in an early budding phase so pace yourself and don’t launch things too soon.

If you’re in the second trimester, maybe it still doesn’t feel real yet. Your body is animorph-ing into a whale or cow, your belly is growing, you have new aches and pains and you might have more energy but it’s ok if you still feel like crap. It’s ok if you love being pregnant. It’s ok if you hate it. It’s ok if your opinion swings multiple times a day. Wherever you’re at, it’s ok!

---

Third trimester: Summer

I’m currently 26 weeks pregnant and feeling my body flow into late spring towards summer. Mentally, I still have lots of creative energy but physically I’m slowing down.

If I don’t take a nap or rest in the afternoon, I hit a wall of exhaustion around 7-8pm (which is highly inconvenient since the 3 year old has decided 9:30-10pm is a good bedtime).

I’m getting lower back pain, round ligament pain, and my internal organs are getting noticeably squished by the growing baby who does jiu jitsu at 10pm (can’t wait until I can just put him in a room with his brother and shut the door so they can party together).

Fittingly, the feminine archetype of the inner Summer phase is the Mother or Goddess.

It’s a season of creative fertility, nurturing yourself and your loved ones, shining your light and being seen.

You can’t hide your pregnancy from the world any longer.

I think of summer as lying in a field or sitting on a patio with friends, soaking up the summer, eating and drinking delicious things, and delighting in the pleasure of BE-ing.

It’s not about productivity any longer. It’s about letting the seeds you planted in spring bloom and flourish.

Or in pregnancy, letting your baby pack on their baby fat as your body slows down and your attention starts to focus on preparing for their arrival.

You’ll know you’re starting to transition from summer to autumn when the nesting urge hits. This might look or feel different to you, but for me with Thomas I went into survivalist prepper mode and had to stock the freezer with meals and deep clean the entire house (actual thought: THIS IS OUR LAST CHANCE TO DUST UNDER THE FRIDGE!).

During my menstrual cycle I usually go through a purge and declutter phase before I get my period but during pregnancy it was a whole new level.

And then it’s pretty obvious when your baby is born, and your hormones nosedive off the most insane biological cliff, triggering what society calls the “baby blues” or postpartum mood disorders.

---

Fourth trimester/postpartum: Autumn

All you really need to know about the fourth trimester or postpartum Autumn phase:

IT’S NOT YOU. IT’S YOUR HORMONES + SLEEP DEPRIVATION.

I highly recommend setting up a postpartum support network during your pregnancy because it feels next to impossible to find a therapist or triage your mental and emotional needs while you’re literally in survival mode, trying to keep yourself and a tiny infant alive one day at a time.

Autumn is usually associated with the pre-menstrual phase, and it’s very much hormone dependent. For me, I feel like my brain and body are possessed by a cold thunderstorm of swirling leaves juxtaposed by random glorious sunny warm days. Sometimes multiple times all in one day.

In the first weeks postpartum you’ll experience the highest highs of your life and the lowest of lows.

The deepest love and joy, and the most intense anxiety and fears.

I’m interested to see how the second time goes for me, now I have perspective that this crazy phase doesn’t last forever and more confidence in my abilities to receive support and keep a tiny human alive.

Based on your birth experience, you’ll have to give your body time to heal and recover and grab sleep whenever you can. If you’re breastfeeding, that’s a whole other project in itself as you’re establishing your supply, baby is learning how to latch and eat, and you’re physically dependent on each other 24/7.

This is the crucible of the life transition from maiden to mother, whether it’s your first or sixth time.

If we approach this phase with the reverence it deserves, maybe we’ll make things less hard on ourselves and diminish the natural “mom guilt” that comes when you’re constantly second guessing your decisions and figuring out on the fly what works best for you, your baby, and your family.

You will be rebuilt from the ashes with more strength, wisdom, resilience, and love than you ever thought possible.

If you’re currently trying to conceive, pregnant, or postpartum and would like some support or guidance in how to navigate the ups and downs in your energy as you show up for yourself and your business, click here to schedule a free mini session with me!

xo Anna

Finding work-life balance as a new mom

Somehow Thomas is 19 months old and I’ve been reflecting that as much as I love little snuggly babies, I am SO much happier overall as the parent of a toddler.

So if you’re in the haze of that first year of motherhood - just know that it does get easier!

There’s not one thing that makes this phase easier for me. Some of the things: I’m getting full nights of sleep again, we’re only nursing once a day at bedtime, I feel strong in my body, and I love watching T gain more personality and independence as we introduce him to the world and share activities and adventures together.

To me, the first year of motherhood felt all consuming and more of a day to day survival mode, while now I feel like we’ve “launched” and it’s easier to figure out what we all need, even if we still have to navigate a lot.

Through this past winter we isolated at home a lot to stay healthy and spend precious time with family, which is ultimately my number one priority. But we were sacrificing literally months of childcare and support for just days of family time, and when it comes to work/life I was getting a little too much in the “life” bucket 😝.

This spring we upgraded to 3 full days/week of childcare at our co-working space so he can have full days in the classroom and I can get more time to work. And this small change has improved the quality of my life EXPONENTIALLY.

On the days we are home together I’m able to be fully present with him instead of feeling stressed and guilty from trying (and failing) to do everything at the same time. I get to fill my Anna cup by having uninterrupted time to focus on my business, which I love!

You don’t know what kind of mom you’ll want to be until you actually have kids, and then they grow so fast you’re constantly trying to keep up.

It turns out that right now, I want to be a 60-70%-time working mom, and I am so grateful I have the resources to make that lifestyle happen.

I am discovering that I thrive when I am working outside of parenting, and in this moment feel like I am on top of the delicate and precarious art of the work/life balance.

And that is something to freaking celebrate, especially as we mark the one year anniversary of the pandemic which has completely upended our lives and added many unexpected challenges.

So let’s talk about finding that elusive work-life balance.

What does balance even mean?

There are all the stories the world tells us about how we should be living our lives as women and mothers, and then there’s what actually fills your soul and meets you where you’re at in the current reality of your life.

You are the only person who can decide what work/life balance looks like to you.

There’s a myth that “balance” means 50/50 equal split. Or, let’s be honest -- giving 100% to everyone and everything. Hello, impossible!!

But really, what does it feel like to be balanced?

Work-life balance in motherhood is a constantly moving target, not a destination.

The good thing about shifting our view of balance from a fixed destination to a constantly moving target is that there’s no such thing as success or failure.

To me, it’s not an all-or-nothing thing, because it’s a constant state of flux depending on what phase my child is going through, the season of the year, the restrictions of the pandemic, and even where I’m at in my menstrual cycle. Balance is more of a feeling, like I am capable and competent and have the capacity to handle everything on my plate. Maybe a better word for balance is actually stability - feeling grounded, stable, and fulfilled instead of drained by my schedule and responsibilities.

When I am OFF balance, I feel overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, depressed, and resentful. Easily triggered by comparison or jealousy.

Maybe you get triggered by people pleasing etc or overeating, mom guilt, etc…

You just aren’t at your BEST.

I think we can all bring to mind a time where we feel out of balance. Use that as a guide to discover what you need to feel more stable.

Then, identify your non-negotiables, or a short list of easy things you can add into your typical day or week to feel happier and more stable.

You can also take note of the BIG things that would be nice, but not immediately possible (like vacations, going out with friends, getting a new job, etc.) Bringing awareness to these long term goals is important because even if they won’t happen overnight, you will plant the seed in the back of your consciousness and start to make small shifts that gradually lead in that direction.

Finally, look at your lists and put them into action. How can you adapt what you need to your current reality? Maybe you can take some time off work for a staycation to just unplug, or schedule a coffee chat over the phone with a friend every week.

Some examples of what I need to feel my best, depending on the season or phase we’re in:

• alone time in the morning to journal, read, exercise

• childcare a few days a week

• intentional family time (like on weekends)

• some 1:1 play or snuggle time with Thomas everyday

• going outdoors every day, even if it’s just a walk to or from the car

• heart to heart chats with good friends who are in a similar season of life

• an ongoing creative project to work on

More examples I crowd-sourced from friends:

• childcare

• coffee and wine

• more sleep

• knowing what’s important enough to be included in the equation

• me time “even if it’s only 15 minutes. It reminds me of who I am aside from motherhood”

• taking a bath

• solo time out of the house, treating myself to something I love

• working at a coffee shop (when possible and safe)

Two questions to guide yourself home when you’re feeling off-balance:

1. What do I need?

2. What can I do to make that happen?

Feeling like you need some support and accountability?

In my Inner Glow Up 1:1 coaching program, I support women in prioritizing their own wellbeing as they transition into motherhood and navigate the demands of work, family, wellness, mental health, relationships, and personal goals.

The first thing I have new coaching clients do is complete a “wheel of life” inventory, where we assess each area of your life (relationships, money, self care, etc) to see where you are thriving and which areas feel a bit in need of focus and attention.

Then we set intentional, inspiring, heart centered goals in the areas you want to prioritize during our time together.

We do this to acknowledge that as multi-faceted humans, we have LOTS of priorities and things that are important to us, and there are seasons of life where some take precedence over the others.

And that doesn’t mean we’re falling behind or dropping the ball on the ones that take the back burner.

It just means that as time passes, we intentionally shift and pivot to nurture those other sides as well.

Balance is not about spending an equal amount of time and energy on everything.

It’s a continuous, daily process of finding an equilibrium that allows us to feel the most fulfilled so we can thrive and function at our best.

xo Anna